


Another teen statistic

by friendlydeathray



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heroin, Hurt Justin Foley, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Justin Foley needs a hug, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 19:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15419805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlydeathray/pseuds/friendlydeathray
Summary: Justin is already officially adopted by the Jensens when they finally discover he is still using heroin. Justin goes through detox and treatment until someone starts trying to sabotage his recovery, which may have implications on his ability to testify at Tyler Down's case.





	Another teen statistic

Needle in skin, sharp and then quickly soft, painful and then quickly painless. Justin stared at the wall ahead of him, _why do I keep doing this._ He didn’t know why he felt happy but at the same time so pained by it that he wanted to be numb to it. He thought that maybe he had become so used to blotting out emotion when all he had was negative, that now his brain didn’t know the difference when the emotions were positive – it still wanted to blot them all out, it wanted to feel nothing. Maybe he just had no idea what he felt anymore – he had become detached from it. He was still guilty over what happened to Jessica, still love sick and hoping her ‘on and off again’ interest would solidify into something in the end, still hurt and angry over all the people who had damaged him over the years, still happy about being adopted but anxious that he would lose it all. It was a lot.  And now with what happened with Tyler taking front and centre in his school and social circle he had felt the pressure of their interest move away from him, allowing him to skate unnoticed just beneath their noses.

 

He put the needle to the side and let himself relax back into the calm, euphoria of the high, he lay back on the bed (his own bed, in his own new room) and felt the womb like sensation roll over him. The heroin stopped him from thinking about how awful he felt for betraying the Jensen’s like this – using drugs in the new room, the new bed, the new sheets they gave him. He’ll feel bad about it later. He had all but zoned out when somewhere in the back of his mind he heard the doorknob turn. Blearily he looked up and saw Clay standing over him, scowl etched deep on his baby face.

“You fucking idiot!” he heard Clay say, and then he was being wrenched upwards to a seated position, the world spun into focus.

“Shit, what’re you doin’ home!” the shame was now pouring over him, he couldn’t avoid it no matter how high he was. The charade was over.

“What the fuck! Justin!” Clay shouted, “how much have you taken?”

“I’m not overdosing if that’s what you wanna know” Justin slurred, his head felt heavy as Clay grabbed him by the front of his shirt and shook him a little.

“Jesus… how long has this been going on?” Clay demanded.

Justin could feel his eyes drooping, “since that time I overdosed”

“And that didn’t teach you a lesson!” Clay raised his voice in pure disbelief.

Finally, the weight of this situation reached Justin’s brain, his eyes blew wide and he pleaded, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please don’t tell your parents” his voice cracked, “please”

Clay paused, whiplashed by Justin’s pleading. He slowly let go of his shirt front, the release of pressure made Justin wobble, he was only just managing to hold himself upright. In this moment he looked so small, almost childlike. They sat in silence for a long painful moment.

 

“How the hell have you been hiding this?” Clay asked.

“I uh…” Justin flicked his eyes to Clays nervously, “I just use when I’m alone, usually before and after school, sometimes in middle of the day, I have hiding places… and then I dunno I guess I’m good at acting normal on it with the right dose, ya know?”

Clay was looking at him with a face as if to say _no of course I don’t fucking know!_

“I’m really sorry… it’s not as easy as I thought”, he faded off, ashamed.

“dude you do realise that’s a lot to be taking” Clay said, his voice softer now, “you’re using multiple times, every day…”

“Yeah well you can’t exactly half ass a heroin addiction” he half laughed, then looked down at his lap sadly, “but the difference is now I’m shooting up when I was smoking it before so… that’s…” Justin trailed off.

“Bad” Clay filled in. He sat beside him on the bed, he could feel Justin’s body shaking the mattress beneath them, “you have to tell my parents dude”

Justin looked at him with a despairing expression, “please I can’t, I’ll detox again I promise okay? Just tell them I have the flu”

“Okay A) They know you’re a heroin addict, so they are not going to buy ‘the flu’ for one second they’ll know you’ve relapsed for sure, and B) I’m sorry man but if you don’t tell them I’ll have to, you’re sick and you don’t know what’s best for you right now”

Justin stared at his hands for a long moment after that, his body was spasmodic and twitchy since the day started using and he didn’t like it. He sighed and laid back down on the bed, he would deal with this later when he wasn’t so high.

 

The next morning Clay woke him up roughly, “you have to tell them right now” he said, there was no room to fight when Clay had this tone of voice, “I’m not letting you do your usual morning ‘ritual’ okay, go tell them”

Justin stared at him, almost paralysed, “fine, fine”. He could feel the self-hate rising up from the molten ash pile of bile in his gut and fire up his throat to his rotting brain and he wanted to run. He was going to be kicked out he knew it… sure they had adopted him, but that didn’t mean anything did it? They would change their minds when they found out who he really was, they would hate him when they knew he had been lying to them. The adoption still felt like a formality, he had only really _just_ started to get comfortable here.

 

Matt and Lainie were preparing breakfast in the kitchen when Justin and Clay came down.

“Clay they’re going to ask you to make a statement about Tyler today so dad will take you this afternoon” Lainie said, without turning to face him.

Justin shuffled in, his body hunched, turned inwards on himself.

Lainie finally turned to face the boys and noticed Justin’s shameful face immediately, “You okay Justin?”

“Justin has something to tell you guys” Clay said after a moment.

Justin looked at Clay as if pleading for some way out of this, “I uh… I’m really sorry” his eyes went glassy and his voice trembled, he sounded so pitiful Clay almost decided to stop him.

“I’m still using” he whispered, “Clay caught me last night, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, I understand if you want me to leave” he was crying now and his words were hurried and forced.

Lainie and Matt exchanged a look, as if to say _oh fuck._

“Sit down,” Lainie instructed firmly. Justin did as he was told, he fiddled with the hem of his sweater and bowed his head.

“How long has this been going on?” she spoke calmly but he could tell she was angry.

“Basically since the trial” he whispered.

“What about when you were in juvie?” Clay added.

“It’s almost easier to get drugs _in_ jail then out” Justin huffed out a sad laugh.

The Jensen’s looked between each other with these pitiful expressions, as if he was this injured child, he hated it.

“But I’m fine really, I’m still functioning, I can function on it, it’s okay so…” Justin perked up defensively, “I have it under control”

That same look on their faces extended into the silence after he spoke.

“Enough is enough Justin you are seriously sick, we put off getting you treatment because you were settling in and you seemed okay, but I think neither of us realised how bad it was. We were stupid not to notice,”

“I’m not, I swear” Justin begged like a child.

“You are son, you have to accept that this isn’t goin –“ Matt shook his head.

“No you don’t underst-“

“… going away” Matt finished. Justin went to open his mouth again to protest, but Matt held his finger up, “No, nope Justin, enough.”

“But…” Justin’s lips were trembling and he was on the boarder of not just tearing up but full on wailing with tears.

“You have an illness, it’s not your fault,” Lainie said softly.

 “I’m sorry” he said again, a cascade of tears rolling down his cheeks as he said it, his voice pathetic and beseeching.

“It’s okay” she said, touching her hand lightly to his. His face was red and screwed up as he faught the desire to completely break down.  

“I’m going to call around and see where we can book you a consultation today, alright?”

Matt got up from the table and Justin tried to stop him by pleading “No, it’s fine I don’t – “ but it was useless.

They sat in silence again.

“I’m such a fucking loser, fucking asshole, I should leave” he muttered.

“Justin just… shut up” Clay said in a tone that still somehow felt affectionate.

“Well obviously you are going to need to stay home from school” Lainie said, “I should call work”

“No please, you don’t have to miss work, I don’t want to be a burden,” Justin protested, Lainie ignored him and went to get her phone off the kitchen counter.

Justin was still crying, it was as if he didn’t even notice it anymore, the tears were just flowing, “I should probably take a hit now and then when you get home later I’ll do whatever you tell me but if I don’t take one now I’m going to be really sick, really soon and then it’s gonna become kinda an immediate issue, like maybe you want a plan first, before this all kicks off?”

Lanie and Clay stared at him dumfounded, he looked back at them as if suggesting he take a hit was totally normal. Justin deflated.

“Okay, I got you an emergency appointment at the County Youth Addiction Centre in one hour so get dressed” Matt entered the room with the proclamation. Too late to escape now.

 

This was it, his new normal. He was officially a teen heroin addict, he was officially a statistic. This was always going to be part of his life story, years down the line (if he even lived that long) he would have to say _‘I was abused growing up, then was homeless and a heroin addict when I was 17”_ he had all the classic hits in that one! The doctor was checking him over, Justin was zoning out. He could hear his adopted parents talking about him to the doctor. They were talking about his history he figured. Then he heard his name being called, at him… so he pulled himself back into focus.

“Uh huh” he said, “what did you say?”

The doctor’s eye contact was too much for him, he was an old man with small circular glasses that amplified the size of his retina, “I was asking how much you use daily?”

“A couple grams” he whispered, “two or three times a day”

“ok so you are using heavily” The doctor said, no judgement, “and its intravenous heroin, yes?”

“Yeah. I used to smoke weed almost every day and drink a lot, then I was using Oxy every day, and then… well I guess Heroin really makes every other drug seem a bit shit in comparison” he chuckled, no one was amused, “started smoked it off the foil, then I guess just uh, progressed”. Justin was already feeling nauseous and he could feel the cramps starting again. If even the early stages of the withdrawal were this bad he knew it was going to get worse this time.

 

The doctor started talking about the options – he needed to be medically supervised while he detoxed so they were going to admit him for a couple days. Then he suggested a long term residential treatment program, but Justin was adamant he didn’t miss any more school. They settled on an intensive outpatient program and a whole lot of new rules. They left Justin there at the hospital that night and he sweated and puked through the next three days. This time the withdrawal felt different, more serious… he wasn’t in a friends bedroom playing cards and puking into a bucket, he was being checked constantly by doctors and nurses and being given medications to help manage the pain, it felt clinical and real. But either way withdrawal was revolting, there nothing anyone could really do to change that. He was drenched in toxic sweat; his mouth was dry and tasted like vomit and his bowels were emptying out entirely every hour. It was a parade of bodily functions. When the doctors believed he was past the stage where he could have any complications and could safely return home, the Jensen’s came and picked him up. He was even thinner than they last saw him, and his skin was grey and sallow.

“Hey” he muttered as he slid into the car next to Clay, that was the last thing he said the entire drive home.

 “You have to go to the treatment centre every day after school until 5pm and at 11 until 4 every Saturday and Sunday, okay?” Lainie told him.

Justin didn’t say anything.

“You can go back to school next week when you’re feeling better”

He kept wondering what the point in fighting this addiction was – all of this felt so much harder than just giving in to it. He had to remind himself that he finally had something to lose.  

 

Lainie and Matt watched Justin in the rear-view mirror intermittently, the boy looked so depressed and broken. A lot of their friends questioned their decision to take in a kid like Justin, they always asked ‘ _Do you regret it? Are you sure you want to do that, it’s a lot of burden on your family?”_ The weird thing was they didn’t regret it at all, or feel as if it was a burden, it just felt natural, normal, and there was something weirdly satisfying about it… all the little victories, all the moments they saw Justin grow towards a better life and a better person, all the times he relaxed into their affection, all the times they watched him flinch at sudden movement and they knew they were doing something truly valuable by giving him a safe home. It’s hard for people to understand maybe, but neither Matt or Lainie had ever thought that looking after a kid like Justin could make them feel such purpose and love. All of that said, it didn’t mean that he didn’t keep them up with knots of worry in their stomachs…. That’s what loving someone like him did to you.

 

When they got home Clay revealed to Justin that he had to sleep in Clays room again – they had set up a second bed where the couch was. Justin didn’t say anything about it, he deserved it after all. Clay was surprised that he felt disappointed by Justins reaction, by his sullen demeanour – was it weird that he actually missed joking around with him? It still kind of blew his mind that they were friends now… well brothers even. The weird thing was he needed it, the companionship, the brotherhood, someone who watched his back like Justin did. Clay kept replaying the day outside Bryce’s house when Justin saved his life, the look of compassion in his eyes, the empathetic understanding in the way he soothed him – Clay would never forget what Justin had done for him, and now it was his turn to help him back. So Clay ignored the pang of disappointment when Justin spoke only in monotone and flopped unceremoniously onto the bed falling dead asleep – Clay knew that all he could do was be here for him.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
